I'm always amazed at some of the things people Google, which lead them to my blog. Here's a list of ten of the strangest/funniest/dumbest. (Warning: I'm feeling a little salty today. Appropriately sailor-ish language ensues.)
1. "Chiggers"--- Damn it, people. If some science geeks don't get out there and write some interesting shit about chiggers, I'm going to go crazy! (On the other hand, it would probably steal half my damn traffic.)
2. "Bedbugs"; "dead bedbugs"; "baby bedbugs"; "evil bedbugs"--- The Internet must have a shockingly inadequate amount of information about bedbugs, because if a Google search for the little fuckers leads these people to my piddly blog, the online world is doomed to an unfortunately misinformed existence!
3. "Concert groping" --- I'm not sure whether these people are looking for a Concert Gropers Anonymous meeting or a survivor's group or what. I can't help you with either. Get over it. When you go to a concert, you are often in embarrassingly close proximity to others. You may get touched, even on the boob. It's not necessarily purposeful. Unless, of course, you're a hot bitch, then maybe it was.
4. "Anesthesia politics cunt" --- I can't even imagine a situation in which those three words could be fit together. Whatever it was, I don't think they found a solution here.
5. "can Concerta make a child start cursing" --- No, but inadequate parenting can. Self-flagellation is a must. Cursing is the worst thing a child will ever cook up in his/her devious little damn brain. (/sarcasm)
6. "take kids to Edgefest" --- One word. Yes. But they will get groped. (See #3.)
7. "beautiful pictures of Texas's dessert [sic]" --- My desserts don't hang around on my damn plate long enough to take a beautiful picture, people.
8. "the cost of Six Flags" --- Your soul, fuckers. Sign on the "X."
9. "how to get rid of pleas [sic] and chiggers from your house" --- I've got nothing of importance to offer here. However, my kids can give you quite detailed instructions on removing "please and thank you" from your home.
10. "what to do when husband calls you a cunt" --- I'm not sure exactly why this person felt the need to seek advice from Google on this, but if you haven't found the advice you're looking for, here's a hint: A packed bag and a weekend at a luxurious spa on your turd husband's dime comes to mind, as does dumping all of his shit on the lawn, turning on the sprinklers, and changing the locks. Oh, and maybe a marriage counselor, if none of the other shit works.
I read this three times and it cracked me up every time. Thinking I may need to steal the idea for myself, though I don't have anything as pure comedy gold as "what to do when husband calls you a cunt." (First call: locksmith. Second call: divorce lawyer.)
Posted by: RedMolly | April 10, 2008 at 07:04 PM
I nominate you to be the next Dear Abbey. Your advice is so much more useful! lol
I finally put you in my blogroll so I won't keep losing you.
Posted by: Byrningbunny | April 12, 2008 at 01:29 PM
Thanks, Byrningbunny! It's an honor! :-)
Posted by: Lori V. | April 12, 2008 at 01:38 PM