One big reason that Youngest triggers horrific reactions in me is that he is a carbon copy of his biological father. And I divorced his biological father for a reason. Because he wasn't a likable person, and I didn't like him. At all. Now, it's like I have to live with him again, with no divorce in sight.
"So, are you going to look for a job today?" a very pregnant me asks a very unemployed husband. (Remember him?) Thirteen years ago.
"Not yet. I have something I have to do today. And I'm going to take Middle (who was really Youngest at that point in time) with me. We'll go to the park or something. We'll hang out." (We'll be a chick magnet.)
"No job?"
"Tomorrow." (Riiiiight. If hell freezes over.)
Hours pass. Unemployed husband comes home with toddler and three new comics in hand. (How the fuck did these get in my hand when I have no fucking money? Huh.) Elated. Giddy. Euphoric.
"Middle was a hero today, Mommy." (Ummmm...)
"Oh, really? How's that?" (Ask you no questions, tell me no lies. I should know better.)
"He saved a police investigation." (Huh?)
Me: "Tell me about it."
"Well, I've got this friend at the department who I occasionally do favors for when he needs somebody. Like an informant." (Oooh, this is gonna be good.)
"So, today, he asked me to come and make a pickup of an audio tape for a big investigation they're doing right now. I can't say exactly who it is, but when it breaks it's gonna be big. Very important political figure. His family owns juice companies." (Really good.)
"I'm sitting on the bench waiting for the drop-off, and when it happens, the tape falls to the ground. Middle ran over & picked it up & brought it to me. Didn't you buddy?" (You're asking a fifteen-month-old.)
Me: "Did you get paid for this?" (Wait for iiiit....)
"No. But I helped the police out, baby! If you can't handle my working with them, you need to get over it now. Because I do important stuff for them sometimes. They just can't pay me for it." (Oh, well, of course not.)
(sarcasm) Thirteen years later, I'm still trying to figure out what political scandal Bob Dole was supposedly being investigated for in Floyd County, Georgia. Maybe he was lying. Maybe he was out spending money we didn't have on comic books. Ya think? (/sarcasm) I'm telling you, I couldn't make this shit up.
No, you can't make that stuff up!
Or maybe he didn't want his fingerprints on it, as I doubt middle had been printed :-).
And about that giveaway, just remember: I don't want a dog!
Posted by: Blue Like the Sky | February 26, 2008 at 11:49 AM
How did you know that's what I'm giving away tomorrow? I have some great ones from which to choose! :-)
Posted by: Lori V. | February 26, 2008 at 11:52 AM
ok.....this happens in my own family and I know nothing about it till now!!! Probably a good thing because I never liked C from the first time I met him. But let bygones be bygones....oh hell.....it is funny now though!!! luv .....m
Posted by: Mimi | February 26, 2008 at 01:14 PM
Make sure I win one small enough to hide from The Man!
Posted by: Blue Like the Sky | February 26, 2008 at 03:44 PM