It's early evening; the train is leaving the station once more. This train is designated for frequent travelers, those who must make this journey at least daily, and not because they want to, but because they must. This trip is a requisite, for their lives are interminably entwined with their fellow travelers, who are also aboard out of duty and necessity.
On this day (and most), my companions are my family. Three teenaged children and a husband. We are, all of us, at the mercy of our conductor: my youngest child's inoperable frontal lobe. This train's destination is set, and the ride will not be smooth or pleasant. Although it is a trip we take often, it is not one we have chosen.
As the train leaves the station, there is a cacophony of screeching as we are catapulted forward. The noise becomes unbearable, the train pushing forward at dangerous velocity. It's time to put on my seatbelt, because the ride will be jarring; nausea is unavoidable. The speed with which we catapult forward never subsides as we approach the first of an unknown number of breakneck twists and turns in the track. Reason and logic are futile: we shouldn't be traveling this fast, we shouldn't be on this track, we shouldn't be here at all, but our conductor is indifferent.
For what seems an eternity, we hang on with white knuckles and empty souls, until the train inevitably begins to slow. Pulling into the very station from which we departed, we realize that, although we are taken a different route each time, the scenery is nearly always identical.
Queasy, confused, and spent, we disembark. We recognize that we may have only a short layover before our next trip on the (Bi)Polar Express, and it angers us, saddens us. Though we hold tickets with no expiration dates, we are warriors; we are a band of weary travelers with enough determination to weather these trips with courage and love.
Wow! Great scribbling in the prompt "fellow traveler".
Posted by: Liza's Eyeview | January 20, 2008 at 11:22 AM
Very interesting, emotional, and well written post. I like the metaphor and can totally relate. While my son may or may not be bi-polar at this point in his life he is definitely a breath taking "train ride" in all the ways one can take your breath away. Sometimes you just have to hang on for the ride.
Posted by: Chris | January 20, 2008 at 02:39 PM
Very well put....I cannot imagine having to deal with this everyday. My prayers and thoughts are always with you. I love you all....Mimi
Posted by: Mimi | January 21, 2008 at 07:12 AM