Living Green in the Chaos

What I have to say today is going to sound controversial to some, like an excuse to others, and still more are going to 'fess up and say, "Hey, she's right."

Living green is easier to do in a life that is not filled with chaos. Lives that stick pretty much to a day-to-day scripted routine. I can say this with every confidence, because I know from firsthand experience. When Youngest was relatively stable (for those just tuning in, he suffers from Childhood Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Overanxious Disorder), it was much easier to cook at home, shop for local and/or organic foods, avoid restaurants, think about how every object you come in contact with has already and will further impact the environment.

When my days are filled with doctors, therapists, appointments for the other kids, SATs, marching competitions, and on and on, things get trickier. The smaller eco-friendly habits are easier to keep up at home: canvas shopping bags, natural and plant-based cleaners and shampoos, letting the yellow mellow at home, etc. But the sad truth is that when I'm giving every ounce of my time and energy trying to just make sure our little world at home isn't going to fall apart at its unreinforced seams, I really find it impossible to think about every aspect of keeping the larger world in tip-top condition.

Yesterday, for example, we had a day in which we were going from 8a-8p. Youngest had to have blood drawn to check his medication levels, then a drive into The Big D to his psychiatrist for a double session. Middle had an after-school basketball game nearby, so it didn't make any sense to drive all the way home and back again, so we hung out for a couple of hours. Then Youngest had a session alone with the family therapist, then we headed home, where I had to proofread a paper for Eldest. In the middle of all that running and worrying, we ate two meals out. Had we been hungry for dinner, we would have had three. Even driving a Prius, that's a lot of driving (I average 200 miles per day).

Yesterday we made one of the most emotional decisions of our lives regarding Youngest's care. When my life is crumbling around me one block at a time, sometimes I really find it hard to think about and care about whether child slave labor picked the beans that made my Godiva truffle or my vanilla latte. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe.

But until my life begins to even remotely resemble normal, that's the way it is. Yeah, the truth hurts.

Comments

[Friday's Child]

Wow! That is small.

[MiloMitten]

THANK YOU! My husband and I work hard to fit in better green living in our lives. It can really beat your down when your week has flipped out into total chaos and you find your assessment of the day/week has been way less than green. It was so nice to have someone just say it.

[bluelikethesky]

You are living through hell with grace and dignity. The fact that you can see the long view, can consider the source of the bean, at all is a testament to the depth of your character. First survive, then thrive.

And call if we can help.

[Crafty Green Poet]

I agree with you totally, it isn't easy enough to be green at the best of times (though it is getting easier now that supermarkets etc are starting to get it) but yes when life is a struggle to get through at all, then being green can just be one chore too many