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August 16, 2007



I don't see attending funerals as mandatory either. Funerals are for mourners, and if you have made your peace it's not going to do you any good.


I don't think you are insensitive...I feel the same way about funerals too.


My vote is for "Normal, conflicted, human being". It's completely normal to resist participating in something that you believe holds no meaning for either you or your loved one (Nanny). It's also normal to do things that you don't want to do, in support of those other loved ones that do find meaning there (that's called "Being a Grown-Up"). I don't think it's a sell-out at all, particularly in the context of the emotional costs to be borne if you opt out, both for you and for the people that misinterpret or resent your absence.

Lynne Marie

I was super close to my Granny, but, when she died, I opted to hold my own memorial for her, rather than drive four hours back to be with everyone else. My reasons were many. In the end, I think I did the right thing.

We all grieve differently, and I think what's most important is how we related with and honored our friends and family when they were alive. Funerals, in my experience, often push other people's agendas. (For instance, for both my grandparents' funerals, relatives from far away and near showed up to pay their respects. Where were they in the years before?)


I don't think you're being insensitive at all. My sister, brother and I, along with one of my other cousins, were the only representatives of our generation at my grandfather's memorial service, and I don't think anyone said a thing about it. We grieve in our own ways; it's no one else's responsibility, or right, to judge how we handle our loss.

Peace to you and your family.


I have always struggled at funeruls as well. they seem like such an unnatural setting to grieve or celebrate the life of anyone at. i wish you luck in dealing with the pain and/or discomfort.

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