I really, really tried.

Well, we just got back from a week-long vacation in The Great Smoky Mountains. In the mountains of Tennessee, in a cabin in the middle of the woods, in The Land of Zero Bars and no technology. With my folks, my sis, and my brother's little girl (and my bro for a couple of days at the end), who are all from my home state of Georgia. Now, you may be thinking this sounds wonderful and fantastic and peaceful and cotton candy soft-focus snapshots & all, but it's not. Not this time, not last time, and probably not next time.

The first problem is that I think maybe I was adopted from wandering hippy gypsies, and my parents must be horrified that my genetic predisposition to Democratic Thinking has prevailed despite all their best efforts. They are very Republican in a lot of their views; my dad even still supports Shrubya, I think. Two-thirds of their children turned out great, staunchly Republican and free from the evil of Open Minds (A Diva Cup? Gross! says my 40-y.o. sister... and we won't even start with my brother, who has an AK47 for "protection", or "target practice", I forget which it is...).

The second problem is that we have nothing in common except love for one another. And that is what is so. Damn. Frustrating. Alina over at Closet Environmentalist (who also just had a vacation with family, albeit just a weekend) said something in a recent post that made the little inspiration light (fluorescent, of course) switch on in my head. It sums up all of my feelings toward this vacation and this little band of Republicans I lovingly call my family. "It was," she said, "experiencing a lifestyle that seems so distant now, and so capitally opposed to everything I stand for. It is hard to face the facts. How can something that means so much to me be so insignificant to everyone else?"

I worked so hard, having been "in charge" of food, to have packed local and organic goods as much as possible, including local meats; homemade jellies and jams; hand-picked fruit; organic milk, cheese, and butter; and organic snacks like Newman-O's and Garden of Eatin' cheesy poofs. What I did not pack, obviously, was what really mattered. I mean, I didn't pack the bottled water that my mother thinks she has to have (If you had well water, why would you "need" bottled?!?!), so they had to go to the store to buy that. And I didn't pack bottled Lipton Diet Citrus Green Tea (which is nothing more than sugar water & artificial flavor with green food coloring) that my sister likes (how old did I say she is?), so those had to be bought. I didn't pack honeybuns or Otis Spunkmeyer cookies or anything with caffeine, which my dad craves to the point of headaches, so we had to get those. I didn't pack hotdogs (nor any oppressed pig product) that is one of my niece's (and, admittedly, most every small child's) food groups. I didn't pack any Coke products or Doritos that my brother wanted, and wanted to give to his baby girl, who wasn't too impressed with our all-natural sodas. And I didn't bring Kleenex Viva paper towels to use on every slop & spill (One roll of recycled paper towels...for nine people...for a whole week? And what are those cloth things you brought? But M. gets Boxtops for Education points on the wrapper of these...just send her a friggin' dollar to school & save the trees!) I apparently just fucked up the whole food situation.

And, like the good consumers that we are trained to be, a trip was made to the very-nearby IGA to get every single-serving plastic-encased drink and every flavor of chip and Little Debbie snack cake available. I really don't want to be sounding hypocritical (but hypercritical is definitely intended), since I'm sure I had to have something from the grocery store while we were there (although I really cannot remember what, past replacement milk and bread). I know I bought about seven pounds of fudge when we made the trip into Gatlinburg to the Ripley's Aquarium. I know I consumed, too. But I really, really tried. And I wanted everyone else to be impressed that I tried. And I wanted them to be inspired to try, too.

But they just aren't there, yet. And I still love 'em. My dad & I had great discussions about The Evil That is Wal-Mart (where he is still stuck working at 63 just to keep the insurance for my mother, who will eventually have to have a liver transplant, but there's no guarantee when). My mother asked a few questions about the foods. My brother and I talked about The Evil That is Big Oil and why it's still important to mindfully choose which station you visit even though all the gasoline is coming from the same substations. My sister is getting curiouser and curiouser about my sources that led me to hate Wal-Mart with a passion. So, they're meandering slowly in the general direction of the beginnings of maybe wanting to start learning a little more. But they just aren't there, yet.

But I really, really tried.

Comments

[Deb]

I loved your description of being adopted from gypsy hippies. I too have found myself surrounded by family whose values are fundamentally different than mine. There are few things that we can discuss without argument (even movies are subject to interpretation), and none of those topics lend themselves to promoting intimacy. Still, they are family, and I doggedly invest the time to maintain the ties (although I sometimes wonder why).

Still, as you have experienced, I see some bright spots. My mom now makes a vegetarian meal once a week when I visit. They recycle their cans now, if only to keep me from fishing in their garbage.

When I get frustrated, I remember that if I opted out of the relationship, they would never hear this point of view. With so much information bombarding us daily, it's too easy for any of us to tune out opposing viewpoints as the ranting of a faceless THEM. Having a family member that puts a face on THEM makes it harder to shut them out.

Which is a long-winded way of saying that, maddening as it is, it's worth it.

[helenhiker]

Oh my god- I could have written this post.
This is almost dead on what I experience every time I get together with my family at our family lake house. The only things we all agree on are that Walmart is evil (mainly because they put my parents stores out of business) and
eating locally and supporting local businesses is good. My mother is in complete denial about global warming and honestly thinks someday Dubya will be talked about in the same breath as Lincoln in any discussion about great presidents!! My biggest concern is their influence on our son (especially since they believe the tv must be on with a news station 24/7 but I am happy to say as he gets older he seems to be less influenced. My husband and I try not to be preachy or get angry but it is hard. Sometimes it makes it just too stressful to spend much time with them. It can just be too depressing.

[vigilant20]

I don't know...it sounds mainly like you are upset with them for eating differently from you and living differently from you. It's a bit of a selfish perspective.

[Oldnovice]

I lost a cousin's love after he learned I was an envirowacko, nonBushlover, so I feel your pain. We're taking a trip next month during which we'll spend some time with my oldest brother and his family. We already know that we won't spend MUCH time with them, but I'm hoping to do my best to find SOMETHING (ANYTHING!) on which we agree and then just keep coming back to that so we can "feel the love". Heh. We can't pick our family; that's what friends are for.

[Alina]

Lori, I totally empathize with you. Going to the supermarket with my family was just PAINFUL!!! All along I was just thinking "Ooh NOOO! That is overpackaged! Oh no! That is wasteful! Oh no! That is fake meat from tortured cows (and/or pigs and/or horses)!" But I just kept my mouth shut so they wouldn't think I totally lost it...

[Trish]

I love reading your blog and laughed at your description of trying to "fit into" your family. So let me get this straight, what was your goal for this family outing? To have a wonderful time and enjoy your family, or to teach (force) them all how to live your life, a life they are not accustomed to? And you wondered why they were not happy? Older people are sooo much more resistant to change ( i'm 37, hitting the old person mark) you've gotta do it in baby steps!

I'm just proud of myself that I finally got my mom to use cloth bags when she goes grocery shopping! Thats about all I can expect from her at this time! Now that she has gotten this under her belt, it's time to work on the next baby step.

Create awareness, not adversity

[Lori V.]

Oh, Trisha, don't get me wrong. There were fun times to be had, and we had them. And mostly it was about creating awareness, which I think was accomplished. I learned long ago that education with them (most anyone, really) is more useful than badgering, much like PETA tactics (wrong, IMHO). It is quite painful for me, though, to watch, you know? I, also, was not always accustomed to this life, and honestly, I don't agree that age has anything to do with resistance. I think some people are going to be more open-minded and adaptable by virtue of their personality.

[christine]

I'm not adopted. I just mutated.

I screw up quite often. I'll be very aware of my waste and support of big business, but then I wake up and pull in the reigns. My husband is tolerant. My kids share my passion, and are sometimes the first to remind me when I start to slip.

My in-laws and that side of the family, though ... they don't get me. They don't get me at all. It's always an interesting time when we visit them! :)

[christine]

I'm not adopted. I just mutated.

I screw up quite often. I'll be very aware of my waste and support of big business, but then I wake up and pull in the reigns. My husband is tolerant. My kids share my passion, and are sometimes the first to remind me when I start to slip.

My in-laws and that side of the family, though ... they don't get me. They don't get me at all. It's always an interesting time when we visit them! :)