Do You Realize?

Bon Scott must be jealous...

... because I think Hillary Clinton has "the biggest balls of them all!"

She has been generous enough to suggest that Barack Obama would be a wonderful Vice President! As Obama succinctly pointed out, though, he's won twice as many states as Clinton; he's won more of the popular vote than Clinton; and he is ahead of Clinton in the delegate count. How exactly is she currently in a position to offer him a Vice President's position? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Wow.

Some ironic Clinton/Obama news: the little girl in Hillary's infamously fearmongering "3 a.m." advertisement is now all grown up and plans to vote for Obama in November! BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! That just strikes me as the epitome of humorous political irony. Turns out Clinton used stock footage shot eight or nine years ago, and the little girl in the ad, Casey Knowles, will be turning eighteen in time to cast a vote; too bad for Hillary, that vote will be for Obama.

Finally, remember the nutcase Larry Sinclair, who accused Obama of drugs & homosexual sex in 1999? He quietly FAILED the polygraph that was his idea to take in the first place. Ooops! He is not, however, going gently into that good night. He is planning more legal action against Obama and his campaign. I'm sorry, but if this story had any real teeth, the news media would be all over it like white on rice, and Hillary would have already wrapped up the Democratic nomination rather neatly.

Thirteen Things...

...that I'm thinkin' 'bout on Thursday...

1. ...winners from my Blogiversary Giveaways! Congrats to Jeff at Biking Duluth (Greenies & Pet Promise dog food sample), Caroline in NH at Fiber Arts & Furry Critters (Bush's Last Day keychain), Hootin' Anni (CD of ten of my photographic images), Andree at Meeyau (Feline Greenies & Pet Promise cat food sample), Molly at RedMolly Picayune-Democrat (a copy of Diane MacEachern's book Big Green Purse), and Anonymous Mom at Tenuous at Best (handcrafted journal)! If I don't hear from each of you within 24 hours, I will contact you. I'm asking until next Saturday (hopefully won't need that long) to get everything ready to ship.

2. ...my complete and utter domination at the art of oatmeal. I have mastered my "perfect oats." No extra liquid, but not too dry either. MMMMM.

3. ...philosophical subjects like evil and faith. I've determined that the basis for one's faith in an idea or entity is a positive and memorable event that the person attributes, whether correctly or incorrectly, to that idea or entity. For example, my husband sees, on a regular basis, the healing and saving of lives. He attributes that to the science of medicine; his faith, therefore, lies in the scientific.

4. ...suicide. Not mine, no. The book I'm reading, Jodi Picoult's The Pact, is about a failed teen suicide pact, where the surviving teen is charged with murder.

5. ...how terrible I am at poker. Some friends of ours have bought a table at a local "Casino Night" fundraiser and have graciously asked Hubby & I to go. I know not a damn thing about poker, but I will throw down with the best of them when intoxicated, I'm sure.

6. ...Texas's crazy caucusing. We voted early to avoid voting day crowds, but then had to go out anyway for the caucusing portion of the night.

7. ...how terrifyingly easy it is to imagine Youngest as a drug addict. He has a very addictive personality anyway, and a bipolar individual's risk of addiction to drugs or alcohol is much higher than that of a normally functioning person. At thirteen, his drug of choice is Runescape or the Playstation 3; he will do anything, self-destructive or otherwise, to get his fix. Seeing his desperation while in Austin last weekend with limited Internet availability was truly amazing.

8. ...our freakish weather. It's snowing again. Hard. Remember, I was talking about the weather yesterday?

9. ...how hitting an already-dead, but still fresh, skunk on the highway is very, very bad. Very bad, indeed. I also discovered why so many of them seem to be hit on the road. Nearly impossible to see until the last minute. Poor buggers.

10. ...organ donation. My mom is down in Florida at a post-transplant checkup. She's doing amazingly well!

11. ...photography. I mentioned it's snowing again, right?

12. ...the Project Runway season finale last night. As I fully expected, Christian kicked ass. His clothes, while not designed for the everyday woman, were exquisite concoctions, full of ruffles and feathers. His runway music killed, too (created and arranged by Anonymous Mom's not-so-anonymous talented son). Way to go, Christian! I just want to eat him up like a cookie, he's so freakin' cute.

13. ...how I SO don't want to do the laundry and mop the floors.

Edited to add: I drove for six hours to accomplish what would usually take three.

Sunday Scribblings--Miscellaneous

This week's prompt is: Miscellaneous. My mind went immediately to my widely varying taste in music. What kind of interesting groupings could I invent based on the band names in my iTunes Library?

Well, there's the boring "I'm Too Lazy to Think of a Name for a Band" category: Alanis Morrisette, Billy Joel, Bing Crosby, Bob Dylan, Britney Spears, David Bowie, Eddie Money, Elton John, Eric Clapton, Fiona Apple, Jim Croce, Joe Cocker, Joan Osborne, Pete Yorn, John Mayer, Johnny Cash, Justin Timberlake, Rod Stewart, Sara McLachlan, Sheryl Crow, Tony Bennet.

Then I suppose there could be a "I Used to Have a Band But I Ditched 'Em" category: Gwen Stefani, John Lennon, Stevie Nicks, Rob Thomas, Bruce Springsteen, Serj Tankian, George Michael.

There's definitely going to be a "I Don't Know How the Hell This Crap Got Here" category: John Denver, George Strait, Barry Manilow, Randy Travis, Kenny Rogers, Rascall Flatts, Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson, Right Said Fred (Although it's true, Fred, I AM too sexy. Heh.).

But couldn't there be some fun to be had if there were categories like these?

"Pick a Number, Any Number": Nine Inch Nails, Matchbox Twenty, The B-52's, 10,000 Maniacs, Three Days Grace, 3 Doors Down, Avenged Sevenfold, 30 Seconds to Mars.

"Religious-like Iconic Symbolism": Jesus Jones, Taking Back Sunday, Judas Priest, Stone Temple Pilots, The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos (yeah, so they really are religious icons, so what? They're on my iPod.), Nirvana, Madonna.

"Learning Colors With My iPod": The Black-Eyed Peas, Blue October, Blues Traveler, The Cranberries, Deep Purple, Plain White T's, Green Day, Pink, The White Stripes, Yello (I said we're learning colors, not correct spelling, so it counts, people.).

"Our Fans are Too Lazy or High to Remember Our Whole Band Name": AFI (A Fire Inside), REM (they just wanted us to think we were too high to remember what it stands for, which is nothing; it was a random name chosen from the dictionary), CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival), DMB (Dave Matthews Band, ELO (Electric Light Orchetra), MCR (My Chemical Romance), OMD (Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark), NWA (I actually was too drunk during their reign to accurately recall that this stands for Niggaz with Attitude. Furreals. I looked it up.).

"Are you growing iPot in This Garden?": Savage Garden, The Wallflowers, Red Hot Chili Peppers \, Black Eyed Peas, Blind Melon, Fiona Apple, The Cranberries, Korn, Sheryl Crow, The Toadies, Toad the Wet Sprocket.

"Annihilistic Chaos": Five for Fighting, Violent Femmes, Seether, Smash Mouth, Beastie Boys, Breaking Benjamin, Rise Against, The Killers, The Fray, Big Audio Dynamite, Rage Against the Machine, The Police.

"Thinking About Girls, Girls, Girls": Barenaked Ladies, Violent Femmes, Dixie Chicks, Indigo Girls, Queen, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, Martina McBride, The Flaming Lips, Kiss.

"Sweet One-Liners": Beck, Jet, Muse, Enigma, Madonna, Aerosmith, Atreyu, Coldplay, Chicago, Enya, Fuel, Kiss, Korn, Nirvana, Pink, Phish, Pantera, Queen, Wheatus, Usher.

What great categories can you come up with your iTunes library? I'd love to hear 'em.

Movin' to the country, Gonna eat a lot of peaches...

Anybody remember that song from a decade ago? I can't get it out of my little head this morning. Why? Here's why: I spent most of my Fourth of July picking blueberries, then peaches. Then I spent most of yesterday freezing peaches, and processing peaches to make jam. Now I only have about 20 pounds of peaches to go! What the hell was I thinking?!?!? (Really, I was thinking I was having a lot of freakin' fun picking those damn peaches, and I just couldn't stop...)

Anyway, I am really starting to have a new kind of respect for my mom & great-grandmother, both of whom canned jellies and pickles in season so we would have a taste of blackberries in the wintertime. Canning takes a lot of time and work; I totally understand that oft-quoted (but seldom heard in real life) phrase about slaving all day over a hot stove.

I also did something yesterday I rarely do; I cooked a homemade dinner. I really do enjoy cooking when I do it. But there's something very irritating about having the picky two complain about whatever it is they don't like about food that looks like something besides a chicken finger or a french fry. There's something irritating about my husband's schedule, which is totally unpredictable most days, so sometimes he'll get home at 4 pm and just now be getting to eat lunch, and so he is not hungry at dinnertime. There's something irritating about slaving over the hot stove only to have multiple setbacks and complaints. So most days, I simply say, "Screw it... we'll have fish sticks or cream of chicken soup with brown rice or peanut butter and jelly."  And you know what? We now have a boatload of jelly. Why? 'Cause there's...

"Millions of peaches...peaches for me,
Millions of peaches... peaches for free,
Millions of peaches... peaches for me,
Millions of peaches... peaches for free!"

A Tuesday Ten

One of the things I hate about having whichever of my emotional conditions that this is a symptom of, is that on rainy, gray, overcast, forlorn, or otherwise Eeyore-esque days, I feel like doing nothing. I feel no happiness, no inspiration, no... nothing. Nada. My soul and my personality feel just as blank as the day.

So, today, instead of writing something inspirational, I'll post up another Tuesday Ten list. What shall our subject be?  How about... Ten Things You Didn't Know About Me (Unless You Live With Me)? Without further ado:

1.  I find androgynous and slightly effeminate men incredibly sexy (i.e. Davey Havok, Criss Angel).

2.  I love to take naps. But, often, I can't, no matter how hard I try.

3.  I love board games. They totally rule. My favorites? Scrabble, Monopoly and Wise & Otherwise.

4.  I have extremely diverse taste in music. All found on my iTunes: Enya; Arlo Guthrie; Butthole Surfers; Billy Joel; Dave Matthews Band; Britney Spears; The Flaming Lips; Harry Connick, Jr.;  Marilyn Manson; Sheryl Crow; Red Hot Chili Peppers; Prokofiev.

5.  I've never attended more than 1 year of college.

6.  I am a Reality TV junkie. There's nothing like the occasional episode of "Flavor of Love" or "The Bachelor" to make you feel like your life is deep and meaningful.

7.  I am not at all a social or gregorious person. A social event at which I know no one is akin to listening to William Hung sing "She Bangs" inside my head for hours.

8.  I am very high-strung.

9.  I absolutely love random bits of mostly useless knowledge. I read the Harper's Index religiously and devour Mental Floss magazine like candy.

10.  Oftentimes, when reading a good book, if I can't stand the suspense any longer, I will read the end of the book, then flip back to where I was and continue reading. It's like a great big literary orgasm.

Never Too Old to Mosh (updated)

Yesterday, I proved several things to myself: (a) The depths of motherly love are, indeed, infinite. (b) Concert venues rob you blind for food & drinks. (c) One is never too old to mosh.

When we got to Edgefest, the gates hadn't opened, but the line was almost a city block long already. When I got to the security checkpoint, I was informed that my camera wasn't "small enough." (Pardon me, assholes, if you're going to say "small cameras allowed," please elaborate. It's the smallest camera in my house.) So, I got to go back through the line after putting the camera in the car; it was not looking like a good day so far. 

After wandering around the vendors (including the Sierra Club, Frisco Recycling, and Green Mountain Energy!), we went into the stadium. Having social anxiety and agoraphobia to widely varying degrees, I was immediately grateful for having taken my Klonopin. I would estimate 10,000 people were there at this point (at its most crowded I would say 20,000).

When Bullet For My Valentine went on, we went down on the floor (having no intentions of anything other than enjoying the concert). At some point, though, a mosh pit opened up right next to us, and, in the true nature of a mosh pit, began sucking people inside it, including me. At first, I was quite panicked, afraid I would soon surely die. But I didn't. And I got to unleash my (not so) hidden inner fool. It was all good.

Now, let me be clear. Moshing? Very physical, frightening, and pretty damned silly-looking, but somehow cathartic. Crowd surfing? Absolutely the dumbest thing (and pretty freakin' selfish) I can imagine at a concert. Hoisting yourself along at the mercy of millions of groping hands, hoping they can hold your weight (and that they are even paying attention to your body hurtling toward them) is just not bright. To quote Davey Havok, official Beautiful Human & lead singer of AFI (who did, indeed, perform later):

Just in case someone has misled you to believe otherwise, crowd surfing sucks. I would leave it plain and simple like that but, for fear of someone confusing the statement to be only a commentary against aggressive behavior at shows, I shall further clarify. Not to be confused with crowd crawling to sing along, the dying art of stylistic stage diving or the evermore rare head walking, crowd surfing is a passive, non emotive, 'Hey mom look at me and how wild I think I am.' behavior. While kick boxing, slamming, singing along and the like are all visceral and emotional responses to music, crowd surfing is, simply, weak. Always has been. There is really no better way to cheapen a live performance than to float like a happy little cloud atop the hands of discomfited showgoers. For all those aghast, having been misinformed and tricked into thinking it was cool, or far out, or what ever you crazy kids might call it today, FEAR NOT for you are not too far gone! We at the Church of HolyChristCrowdSurfingSucks welcome you with loving arms. Now you know...and you know what GI Joe says about knowing. That is my public service announcement for today.

Ironically, the crowd surfing numbers reached ridiculous proportions during AFI's performance. I just know he was looking out at the crowd, thinking, much as I was, "You fucking morons!"

All in all, my day was exciting, eventful, and, yes, even fun at times. And, just to prove I can turn any blog post into a green opportunity, I got four "Recycle Revolution" organic cotton bags for recycling our drink cups; I dried my hands on my pants when I washed them, and I only used one napkin when I ate lunch!

(Update: Final count was more than 30,000 in attendance. That equals about 1250 pounds of black eyeliner and body jewelry! hehehe)

Never Too Old to Mosh

Today, I rose to the highest echelon of super-cool mothers. I moshed in the mosh pits at Edgefest with daughter & boyfriend. Too tired to post longer tonight, as I've been gone for 15.5 hours... I'll post details tomorrow! Quite a fun day, indeed!

Corteo

If you could attend or observe your own funeral, would you? If I could have a funeral like the one I attended today, I certainly would.

The latest, greatest addition to the Cirque du Soleil masterpieces is Corteo(Italian for cortege, or "celebratory procession").  In it, a clown has died and gets to experience his own funeral (of sorts). It is a magical, visually thrilling story that draws you into another world for the entire time you're there.

For those of you who have never experienced Cirque, their productions eschew traditional (and controversial) animal acts in favor of a top-quality, highly artistic, and perfectly executed assemblage of human performances. They perform phenomenal interpretations of more traditional circus acts, like tightrope walking, trapeze, acrobatics, and contortionists; they add to it astonishing acts that have only recently been invented or perfected, with names like Cyr wheel, aerial cradle, and aerial straps. Add dramatic makeup and elaborate costuming, and it makes for a singularly thriling experience! Corteo is the fourth Cirque production we have seen, and not one has been a disappointment.

If I can have a funeral the likes of Corteo, I want a front row seat!

Edgy, yet soft and refined (that’s me!)

In April, I've signed on to take Madison and Seth (her boyfriend) to EdgeFest 16. What is EdgeFest?  A huge all-day outdoor concert on two stages, with bands like AFI, Blue October, My Chemical Romance, The Killers, Papa Roach, Bowling for Soup... Last I heard (last week sometime) they had sold 12,000 tickets; that's TWELVE THOUSAND bodies crammed onto a football field (some surely will seek haven in the stands, right?)...

I'm starting to question my ability to make rational decisions.

Do You Realize?

"Do You Realize that you have the most beautiful face?
Do You Realize that we're floating in space?
Do You Realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do You Realize that everyone you know someday will die--

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes--let them know
You realize that life goes fast;
It's hard to make the good things last.
You realize the sun doesn't go down;
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round."

(Lyrics by The Flaming Lips.)