Dear Degenerate Asshole Madam:
Thank you so much for arranging for the return of my purse cash keys and wallet with the broken zipper. It was also kind of you to remember how much I loved the scavenger hunt my husband put together when he gave me my purse and for you to arrange something similar by shoving the keys and wallet underneath a mattress in a skanky rattrap motel. It was really a fucking cowardly act thoughtful touch. The man in the motel office was so nice when he passed them to me underneath the bulletproof glass barrier!
What kind of fragrance do you wear? I'm just wondering, because the wallet smells of Eau de Fish Fry. A vast improvement over the simple scent of leather! And thank you for rubbing off all the magical Florentine fairy dust that made that wallet so special, replacing it with your skanky hand grease special essence.
I'm so excited about next week, because I just know you're planning another hide & seek game for my purse, since you forgot to leave it under the mattress with the wallet & keys. I can't wait to see where you put it! A crack house, perhaps, or maybe in your john's boyfriend's car?
Fuck Thank you very much,