I've only mentioned this once here, in passing, but one of my children is not mentally wired the same as you or I. He suffers from Early Onset Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Overanxious Disorder (sort of the childhood version of Generalized Anxiety Disorder). The reason I mention it now is that this is the reason for my extended absence the last few days. We've been taking a ride on the Bipolar Roller Coaster since Friday, stuck at home because we can't take this out to the general public.
Likely, some of you may know an adult who suffers from Bipolar Disorder, or someone who has ADD or ADHD, or someone who has an anxiety disorder of some sort. And this is completely different, because he is so young, and because he has all three stewing and lurking inside, just waiting for the least convenient moment to make their malignant appearance. Add all of his problems to my slight agoraphobia and my anxiety disorder, and you have a cocktail of disaster. There are many things that I am mad with God about, and this is one of them. I have lain awake countless nights furiously asking whose idea of a sick fucking joke this whole thing was.
Bipolar Disorder (as well as anxiety) manifests differently in children than in adults. He was diagnosed when he was eight. And, because we have lived with this nightmare for so long and have encountered so many people, friends and family and complete strangers, who just have no freaking clue, I offer to you Ten Signs That This is Something Other Than Just a Bratty Kid:
1. When put into his room for Time-Out at age 3, he repeatedly throws himself against the door while simultaneously wailing in complete terror.
2. She sleeps in full view of your bedroom door at all times because she still has an inexplicable case of separation anxiety at age 9.
3. When he's told no, he not only gets mad about it, he flies into a frightening rage that lasts for thirty minutes or more.
4. After hurling venomous insults at you for 45 minutes in a fitful rage, she suddenly turns into a sniveling crying mess expressing confused remorse and can't understand why you are mad or upset.
5. He tells you at age 12 that he has magical powers or that he's been visited in his bedroom by aliens, and he really believes it, no matter how you try to reason with him.
6. At a very young age (maybe 2 or 3), not getting her way sends her into an immediate uncontrollable rage that does not subside whether you stand your ground or give in to her wants.
7. He believes that every single person at school is conspiring against him in some way or hates him, including the teachers.
8. She keeps repeating phrases (usually negative, as: "it's not fair", "you're not being reasonable", I hate you", etc.) ad nauseum in the heat of an argument, as if she were a vinyl record with a long irreparable scratch.
9. After an incredibly exhausting and verbally devastating battle, he emerges from his room "recharged" as a human being and acts as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened thirty minutes ago.
10. She cann't seem to make and keep friends well because she has the social IQ of a goat, regardless of how many times you try to give her advice.
Now, let me clarify this whole post by saying that just because we know he has these illnesses, and just because we know the signs and symptoms, it doesn't make us any different than a parent of a normally-functioning child. I struggle constantly with the fact that I still yell and lose my cool and try to reason with him. I hate it that sometimes, after 45 minutes of threats and barbs and violence, I just can't muster up the strength to feel true warmth when he finally dissolves into a puddle of tears and remorse. I hate it that these things almost always manifest themselves when the child is in a place he feels comfortable in, therefore the most egregious behavior is saved for home or, even better, a family function. But, the milder, but still heinous, tantrums and under-the-breath mutterings come out in public. So, the next time you see a child older than 3 or 4 that is throwing a tantrum of epic proportions, including hitting, biting, and self-destruction (hitting head, etc.), or saying things that should be reserved to Linda Blair in "The Excorcist," try to withhold judgment for a few minutes and consider that that mother may have a child with some mental disorder that she doesn't even know about yet, and that she is likely as horrified as you (and maybe more so), and that no matter what she says or does, that tantrum is going to have to play itself out because she really didn't mean for it to happen here. Of course, it could just be that she has a fucking brat on her hands. The point is: You don't know, so don't pretend that you do; just thank God or The Flying Spaghetti Monster or whoever that it isn't you.
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